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Pitter patter
A discussion is going on at Tara's blog as a result of her comment about being at the age of where most people have children. I think I practically grew up with the belief that I will one day have children of my own. I'm not sure if it is something that has been simply reinforced in my upbringing — I have plenty to say about the conservative (read "subtly sexist") nature of my upbringing, but that is entirely another whole series of stories. I don't doubt that having children is an entirely enriching experience in itself — I love children and have deep, almost personal, interests in the issue of children's education. I have, in fact, taught ankle-biters to ear-bashers anywhere from the ages of 6 to 15 in my not-so-distant past. At the same time, I question the validity of the social pressure which dictates that one should have children — I believe it is something personal that ought to be the choice of the partnership of individuals. From the moment you marry, people begin to ask you when they will hear the "pitter-patter of little feet", or mini-versions of you (I wish that there are better metaphors, one gets tired of these real quick, I assure you). Or if you are hanging around with another woman who has children, you will be questioned about when it's "your turn". I can pinpoint the exact moment that I know I can live without having children, and do so without regret. I was at a restaurant with a friend whom I don't often see, and her three young children were with us. It was the kind of day when children get restless, and I watched her mechanically listen to the eldest (who wouldn't stop talking in order to draw attention to himself), feed the youngest, and make sure the second-oldest child is also eating. I say "mechanically", because at some point, one does these things out of habit, one's reaction towards children becomes so second nature that one is no longer able to pay attention to what one does or say. This is a kind of interaction which I do not want to have with children, especially not with children of my own. It is not for me to say what others choose, but this is what I know for myself. I realised then, that if I do have children, I probably would not want to cope with more than just one child. I despise the possibility that my children would have to fight for my attention. And I would go mad worrying about what is the right thing to do for my child. So, in the meantime, other people's children are a lot of fun. Having a child is a great responsibility that I don't know if I am able to cope with. It is because that I recognise the amount of care and love that is required from me that I do not think I want a child. Incidentally, for those of you out there who are worrying about being past the child-bearing age, ever thought of adopting a child who needs loving parents? There are endless possibilities in this world. Posted by sniffles at March 26, 2003 10:37 PM